#22 - Speed Racer

One of the quick checks that the physicians like to do before starting radiation in the abdomen is a kidney function test.  Apparently I will also be subjected to another function test after radiation and we will be able to determine if there was any kidney damage during treatment.  I'm not entirely sure why we are doing it.  In my opinion, it is what it is.  If we have to do the rad therapy, you just take what ever collateral damage that comes with.  I guess it lets the hospital know how much they need to apologize afterwords.  Maybe my sunflower seed consumption will end up being curtailed due to sodium content.  Who knows.

The test was pretty interesting.  I was invited back into the exam/test side of the hospital and handed some scrubs to change into.  Being an experienced hospital regular, (chemo baller?) I came prepared with my jump bag and my own lounge type pants to change into.  I declined the scrubs and told the nurse I will just use my own.  I believe the quote was something along the lines of "You may want to rethink your decision.  Many patients have a tendency to urinate on themselves during this test.  Your urine will be radioactive and it is probably safer to allow us to launder scrubs".

  ------Awkward Silence-----------

"Uh Great, so I think I will go with the scrubs."

At this point,  it was hard for me to concentrate as I started having some flashbacks of my mom zipping up my jammies and asking if I had gone potty. 

After I finished changing into scrubs, the nurse started an IV line, showed me to the rest room for a pit stop and walked me to the Kidney Nuc Med scanner.  I was told that I would be injected with a radio-isotope and that the test would last 22 minutes. At exactly 11 minutes,  they would be injecting a lasix diuretic into the IV to watch how well the kidneys process. The  scan machine was pretty cool.  I was able to lay there and watch a real time image of my kidneys collecting fluid and passing it down my ureters and to my bladder. The screen also displayed test time which was both a curse and a blessing.

It was pretty easy going.  Angie was allowed to hang out with me and take a few pictures.  At the halfway point they injected the lasix and pulled the IV.  It only took a few minutes to kick in but I could tell when it did.  My kidneys started to ache and I noticed what I thought was my bladder moving a little. I did not know at the time but this sensation was my filtration system providing me with some light foreshadowing. Everything was fine until I hit the 5 minute mark and I noticed that I was beginning to feel like I might need to assauge my bladder.  At the 3 minute mark, I noticed that the timer was slowing down.  At the 2 minute mark my eyes were starting to water and I was starting to question if I was going to go the distance. (cue Cake, The Distance)  At the one minute mark I was pretty sure that my kidneys, and bladder were both going to rupture.  I started wondering to myself how much pressure does your body really create?  I managed to complete the test sans an isotope spill. I'm pretty sure that the  nurse took an additional 15 secondinutes <<<< yes that is seconds that seem like minutes,  to come to my side and move the equipment out of the way.  I tried to play cool and walk down the hall but was definitely in a hurry.  I approached the single turn in the hallway like the final turn at the brickyard 400 trying to cut precious time with perfect entry/exit angles.  The scrubs drawstring was undone before I hit the door handle, and much like a NASCAR pit crew, I was taking care of business before the vehicle came to a complete stop.  The rest is history.   Or was it?    Interestingly enough,  I was back in that same restroom exactly 4 minutes later doing exactly the same thing.  I managed to change my clothes and made a 3rd trip in less than 10 minutes.  Angie and I made our way to the parking garage, into the car, and a mile to the east of the hospital before I had to take another pit stop at the corner gas station.  At this point, my pit crew and I were trying to determine if we could go the distance without making another pit.  We rolled the dice and managed to roll into a sandwich shop just off of 99 and Fry for our last isotope flush of the day.

One more adventure under my belt, near my belt.

Just say no to Lasix.